I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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