and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
