Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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