i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
worst night to have a conscience
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't put those talents on a resume
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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