whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
