Quick, to the slutcave!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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