dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
