this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
