Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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