Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
