My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
