you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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