I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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