do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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