i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
