I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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