do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
