So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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