i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
