Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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