i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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