I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
