There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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