So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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