OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
