one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
