Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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