You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is Oprah even human
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
