I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
