need another drink. this is the easiest way
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
