just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
