I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
