You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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