I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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