did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
