Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
