Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
