stop calling my apartment porn island.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
