Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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