im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
