he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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