Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
