I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize