dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
