You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
