the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
