so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
