i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize