She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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