I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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