Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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