Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
