I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
