I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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