pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
