i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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