You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
