woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
