My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
