You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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