i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
