so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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