I want to make a zoo with you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
