The maid of honor just puked.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
